Tuesday, November 27, 2012


Ya, i already wrote today and now I feel like writing more. I was pretty pissed about the job transfer but I'm okay now. Wuthefuck, I mean, atleast I still have a job and it's not so bad over there in the afternoons (my shift) compared to the day with all the gossip and bullshit. Bitching bitches being bitchy. Anyways, it will be good to get a change of scenery, gain lots of experience so I can do my job more effectively.
But, that's not what I wanted to say. Ok, so I said about the L-glutamine and the gtf chromium. Seriously it has already helped me....placebo effect...I think not. I used to use the chromium picolinate and that didn't do anything so I investigated . I found the gtf at bulk barn of all places. Got the glutamine at health food store. Anyways, I'm not about to dispense advice on dosages etc because there are a gazzillion other websites to do that. All I can say is I am happy so far.
My sugar cravings have been infuckingsane lately. I have been craving chocolate too and that is weird for me. I generally only pmsed the choco but last couple months I've been jonesing 24/7. Not sure why, maybe peri-(sob sob sob) menopausal issues, who knows, who cares...not I. I work out regularly and then pound back sugar which just blows it to hell. I can see the little blub band forming around my waist. I'm an ectomorph body type and the last thing I need is a thicker waist. Anyways, it's all good. So far today I haven't craved sugar. Someone offered me half his peni....uh donut and I said "no thanks....love you, mean it..."
Ya sugah, fuck you, I dunt need yo sweet ass no mo.

stupid job

Why is it that the only certainties in life are the proverbial death and taxes...and that my dogs farts are unbelievably putrid and toxic. I was going to write about my new found love for Glutamine and gtf chromium but since coming into work and hearing the news of my impending transfer across the street to ...well....hell basically. I'm so pissed and sad because I love where I work. Do I have some seriously shitty ass karma or what? Just when I think everything is falling into place. I've even been keeping a gratitude journal and I regularly thank the powers that be for my job and all that entails. Apparently the powers that be think I'm a smirfed up bitch. I hate where they're planning on transferring me. I'm looking for another job since they have completely betrayed my trust.....long story. Im so mad, im so sad. They're saying they're doing it to everyone but that's another lie..Why do people lie? Ugh. Crap. Bastard mofos. grrrrrr.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

If you've ever been on those auto correct websites, they're pretty ggdmn funny. Some of them are obviously contrived but still they crack me up. My phone only does one particularly fugtarded thing which is it replaces the word 'just' with ' Judy'. I have no idea why since the same letters aren't even incorporated but it does it. I guy I know was texting me today and we were having a mildly serious conversation about his being in a rut and feeling stuck etc. Of course in my empathy I responded to him saying that the yearnings he felt were simply ....'Judy his inner self telling him that he wants more...'. Oh fuck. I didn't notice that 'just' had been replaced by Judy so his response was ...(oh fug lolol, i cant stop laffing) and he wrote..'the fact that my inner self is called Judy might explain some things'....I read that and thought 'wtf is he talking about until I saw what my phone had done. Omg that was funny as hell.
Anyways, I'm back on the saddle, I feel good, strong and I have to go cuz I'm at work and it's a fricken mad house here...ahhhhhhhhhh

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

For some reason certain things will stay in my head for evah. I'm sure everyone has that where u remember stuff for no particular reason. I dont mean like trauma or bad things, just random shit. I always wonder why. There's a line from a poem that Fred wrote to Wilma that I heard a gazzil yrs ago and I always say it in my head...(I'm fucked) so I googled it and got the whole poem. It's great. The line as I remembered it was "with eyes as black as frying pans" (thats not even how it goes lol but close enough) No clue why it sticks out to me.....
I love thee Wilma, with hair like silk,

Lips like cherries, skin like milk,

Your shell-like ears, your dainty hands,
And eyes so black, like frying pans

And when you in my arms are in,
My love how can you doubt?

I quiver just like geletin,

And sometimes even break out.

You're a perfect peach, my love,
Together we're a pear (pair),
You're sweet, you're nice, you're paradise,
And all kinna stuff like that there.

So ya, I dunno why stuff like that sticks to the brain. I have tons of those dumbass 'snippet' memories. Maybe I had a crosswired brain synapses bedoink right at that moment when I read or saw something and then it gets looped like some broken tape in my head. Fug thats scary but it explains a lot lmao. Yes, hmmmmm I pondered...that would explain a lot...'old man rivahhhh, I went from bed to verse, u.g.l.y. you aint got no alibi,I smell fried burgers, what we have for lunch, I don't be tickin or nothing, no bea dirty, the plane boss the plane and you cant play chess on a checkerboard.....and on and on... 

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Epiphany or oh ya

So ya, I had this brief epiphany which won't necessarily mean shit to anyone else cuz that's how epiphanys go sometimes. I realized that while it's important to have personal goals, I have to be honest about what I'm trying to achieve and if it is attainable. I'm really gonna try to write this about me and not saying "they" and "them" and "you" and all that crap. I just realized that I love working out and I really like being toned and in shape but I will never be perfect. Now join me in thinking about that for a second because that was my "aha" moment. It's like no matter what I do, I'm never good enough and then I realized that as long as I'm trying for perfection in any undertaking, then I will always feel disappointed and like a failure. See, knowing that is fugging huge because if my subconscious motivation is unreachable then I will always have this low undercurrent of 'not good enough' and that is bogus and needs to be brought into the light of truth in order to be dissolved. What is also cool is exposing this need or belief that physical perfection is going to bring me....what? Happiness, love, a perfect mate, an amazing life. No, it is not a means to an end. Ya it's about taking care of myself and looking as good as I can but forget perfect, I'll leave that to Hollywood. Don't even get me started on that big fat lie. Everyone obsessed with money and status, boobs, looks, possessions...ugh, makes me sick. People filling up on the outside to compensate for the emptiness on the inside. No thanks, I'll sit this one out...forevahhhh mofos. I may struggle and cry, wonder, pray, beg, get pissed at God, feel lonely, invisible and get so fed up with life sometimes but I'd still rather be looking inside than outside for answers.

Monday, November 12, 2012


OK OK, my last blog submission was too deep lol. It's not my fugging fault that I'm a deep thinker....ya, anyone who would say something like that can't be too deep, ya ya. I suppose most people watch things that interest them and become inspired, motivated and yes, sometimes I do, other times I just feel stifled and frustrated. I watched these great little snippets, whatever the fug u call them, and I just felt yucky. One was on Marina Abramovic, the other on Gerhard Richter and I felt so positively envious that they were living their passion. Nobody is stopping me from living mine except for all my personal demons but so fugging what, get in line, join the club, back of the bus and take a rain cheque bitches.
check...these.....out....or fucking not....grrrrrrrrrrr.............


if these links dont work then go to youtube and google them if you are so inclineduh. inclinedddduuuhhh. love u, mean it.
Crap. ...That's my post for today.